Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I Got My Ass Kicked In My Sleep

I woke up this morning and my left eye was swollen shut.

Originally, I didn't find this to be too weird because I was dreaming my perpetual dream of being a Street Fighter II character. This particular morning I was fresh off a battle with Guile in which I was both flash kicked AND Sonic Boom'd in an effort to impress Chun Li (notice how I'm a bald guy, even in video games). That fucking Guile, what a cocksucker.

ANYWAY (Klosterman style)

I quickly awoke from my Capcom-esque haze and got to my senses. I was pretty freaked out after I looked in the mirror. My left eyelid had ballooned, giving me a sort of Quasimodo type thing and I was glad it wasn't the prom or senior picture day.

I'm a huuuuuge bit of a hypochondriac so I did what I always do when something's wrong; speculate what horrific thing is wrong via WebMD and call my Mom. Mom was at work, and by WebMD (which is a terrible fucking idea to do if you're the slightest bit of a hypochondriac, let alone the second coming of that geeky kid's mom in Little Giants) I had self diagnosed myself with either, conjuctivitis, a stye, or AIDS.

A doctor's visit was necessary, and by the grace of god, I got an appointment to see some PA named Adam.

Adam made me wait in the little room for like 15 minutes before he came in. This pissed me off because I busted my ass to be 1 minute late for the appointment (I'm generally 7-12 minutes late for everything). Then, he started cracking jokes and telling me, "I think we can save the eye". This pissed me off, mainly because he couldn't diagnose what was wrong with me. Noone can figure it out.

So, I blew $20 on hearing some bad jokes and getting some ointment that i have to put in my fucking eyelid.

I'm changing HMO's
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I'm stoked for tomorrow, not only because if my eye is especially red and gross, I can rub my face on annoying people at the grocery store, but because I'm going to the Bruins game again.

This time is different. Not only is Singer going with me, but we're going with an authentic Canadian citizen! That's like carpooling with Dale Earnhardt, Jr. or buying porn with Jenna Jameson's credit card.

Should be good times.
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2 comments:

Dave 'Diddy Didn't Do It' Chaves said...

aPerfectDave: you should let me write a guest blog on the greatnes of AMC's monsterfest

aPerfectDave: cause that shit's like christmas to me

jEfFENIXtx6: no

aPerfectDave: since it started on sunday i've seen: halloween 1, 2, 5, 7 and 8, hellraiser, hellraiser 2, the lost boys, the fly, and am so pumped for the exorcist marathon on saturday

jEfFENIXtx6: clearly, you should be blogging to monster.com

ryan said...

People get pink eye from living in filth, so that rules that one out.