Getting Our Gossip On!

I try very hard to make this spot entertaining for all but sometimes my mis-directed sarcasm becomes boring. Hey, I hear ya. That's why I've recruited ex-roomate Ryan to spice this place up with the hottest celebrity gossip.

The only thing holding him back from internet celebrity was a new name. "Ryan Lane presents Life In The Fast Lane" was way too Page Six. So, I took a page out of Perez Hilton's book to help Ryan come up with a good name.

Celebrity Name - First Name + Faux First Name that Represents your Cultural Heritage = New Blog Name

I present to you:

Moische Barton.

Enjoy!
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MoischeBarton.com
The Dr. Brown’s Cel-Ray of Celebrity Pop

Moische here from Joan and Ed’s Delicatessen with all the celebrity schmear you just have to hear.


Yeah, yeah, we’ve all read about and seen the pictures of Britney Spears’s Gaza strip. Big deal, we say. Do you think Moses and the future Israelites wore underwear while wandering the desert for 40 years? Moische doesn’t think so—in fact, I’m pretty sure that’s where the old “sand in the vagina” expression comes from. I mean, that shit’s everywhere in the desert! Brit, other sites might be a "slave 4 u", but this blogger, nay journalist, is more focused on some true ex-slaves in the real world: the Hebrews!
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So, while some might be offended by Ms. Spears showing “El Al” to the world, we’re more concerned with celebs not covering up a different part of their body: their heads! It’s about time some of these chosen people chose to yarmulke up!

-Ben Stiller: The “Heavyweights” star should be feeling some heavy weight right about now: Jewish guilt! “Kippah the faith” is what we’d say to him; after all, “there’s something about mitzvahs” during the holiday season!

-Dustin Hoffman: What’s “stranger than fiction”? How about this famous “graduate” not learning about honoring the Lord during his studies. Seriously, don a skullcap-tain Hook!

-Woody Allen: It’s bad enough you’re “bananas” over the shiksas; atone and grab a beanie, baby!

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In other schmear, our faithful readers know it’s our mission to report on all things Judaic, so how about these celebrities embrace their roots and openly endorse their religion already!

-Phillip Seymour Hoffman: The “Capote” QT was spotted club-hopping last Saturday night in downtown LA. That's fun and all, Pip, but you know what’s a real “boogie night”: the Sabbath!

-Alicia Silverstone: Quit being so “clueless” about your faith! It’s no secret we’re synagogue-ga over Batgirl, but we’ll be a “miss match” until you start going to temple—so get going before you make us even more “crazy”!

-Mel Brooks: Just kidding—you know we love you, Mel! Shofar, so good, big guy!!!

That's all for now, but remember to challah back at me at moishe@temple-beth-el-schmear.com.

Happy Chanukah!!