I Transcribe The Greatest Moment in Conan O'Brien History

It's no secret that I'm a Conan fan. I'll take him over any other late night host in the game. I can trace my adoration for Conan back to 1998, when the single best late night talk show appearance of all time transpired. It is so awesome that I found the mp3 of a recording on Napster, like, the second week I moved into college. I have it burned onto CD, and now I have it on my iPod. I can't for the life of me find video of it, as NBC is as afraid of the internet as Fox 25, so, for you, the loyal viewing public, I shall transcribe the single greatest moment in Conan history.

The Players: Conan O'Brien, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Norm Macdonald, Carrot Top (by proxy), Horrified Audience (not pictured)

The scene: Conan is interviewing Cournety Thorne-Smith. She is the second guest of the program, Norm being the first. He stays on the couch in between Andy Richter and Courtney Thorne-Smith for the interview. Hilarity ensues:

Conan: I want to talk to you about something, because this came up earlier accidentally, because I don't know what Norm's going to talk about, and it's best that I don't know what he will talk about, but he mentioned Carrot Top. You are making a movie with Carrot Top?

Courney Thorne-Smith: Made a movie with Carrot Top

Conan: OK, you made a movie with Carrot Top, it's not out yet. Can you put the picture of Carrot Top up again? There he is.

Norm: Wait a minute, she left Melrose Place to do a movie with Carrot Top?!

(audience laughs, nervously)

Conan: That's where I'm going my friend. This begs the question, why a movie with Carrot Top?

CTS: He was great, he did a wonderful job.

Conan: There's a scene where you two embrace?

CTS: Yup, lots of making out

Conan: Oh, for god's sake.

CTS: Nothing but making out. It's like 9 1/2 Weeks, but with Carrot Top.

Conan: (laughing) Wow, I gotta check out that movie!

Norm: Is it called 9 1/2 seconds?

(audience laughs)
(long pause)

Norm: Well, because he's a premature ejaculator.

(audience, Courtney, and Andy all laugh somewhat appalled)

Conan: You know what happened? He said 9 1/2 seconds and I'm look at him, because, I know there's more. Then i wait and wait, and see th glimmer in your eye and bang.....I thought you were going with crackwhore, though.

So what's the movie going to be called?

Norm: I know what it's going to be called

Conan: Yeah, Norm, what's that?

Norm: If it's got Carrot Top you know what a good name for it would be?

Conan: What's that, Norm?

Norm: Box Office poision.

(audience reacts with laughter mixed with horror)

CTS: C'mon, I'm in it, too!

Conan: She's in it.

CTS: What about my career?

Conan: Courtney Thorne-Smith, the woman sitting to your left is in the movie!

Norm: I'm gonna go see it.....for Courtney.

CTS: (near tears) After you steer everyone else away?!

Norm: No, I love this girl. I would see any movie with this girl in it. She's a beautiful lady and a talented, nice......talk show guest.

Conan: As evidenced by her appearance on our rival show!

Alright, so there's this two hour season finale of Melrose Place, there's this movie coming out. Title undetermined at this point.

CTS: Chairman of the Board.

Conan: Ohhh, alright. (To Norm) Do something with that, ya freak.

(audience laughs, and Conan tries to end interview)

Norm: (interrupting) I bet the board is spelled B-O-R-E-D

(20 seconds of laughter, noone can get out a word)

Conan: Alright everybody, that's pretty much our show.
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I hope Sheffield doesn't do this to Matsuzaka