Not Going On Isiah Thomas' Resume


Last night was absolutely ridiculous. It was one of those scenes were everyone in the stands was just laughing and giggling at the trainwreck that is the New York Knicks. Even the beer vendors were shocked at the Knicks suckery. They didn't believe me when I told them the Knicks score after the 1st quarter. To be fair, it was the 4th time I'd stopped by for Sam Adams, so I probably wouldnt believe me either.

Proof I Did Something Extracurricular In College

If you're a religious reader of this blog (aka my Mom or someone who's computer is inexplicably frozen on this website), you probably noticed my pimpage of the newly minted CBS property, "We Need Girlfriends". That of course, being that it was created by 3 of my best friends from Hofstra.

I'm sure you're wondering, 'Jeff, why didn't you get in on any of that sweet action? Were you too busy pursuing your dream of becoming a local newswriter?'

My answer to that question, being, 'Fuck you, insulting hypothetical.'

But I did do some majorly minor stuff with them, mostly casting, but Steve and I put our heads together to create this gem, Wuss Fight Club.

In our dreams we will one day create an entire Wuss _____ series. Like, Wuss Ocean's 11: "You're on parole, should you really be planning this?" or Wuss Old School: "Maybe I should spend some time with my new bride" or maybe even Wuss 10 Commandments: "Woah, those guys have whips!"

While you're thinking of new titles (it's addicting) check out the short film, "Wuss Fight Club"

It's the ultimate First Person Shooter


OMG. Heroin Hero exists!






(thanks to Justin)

An Ode To Thanksgiving Eve Debauchery

I wrote this last year, but all of it still stands. Except for the outdated Haggard joke:

In case you've been living under a rock, or smoking them with Reverend Ted Haggard, you know that the night before Thanksgiving is the biggest drinking night of the year. Bigger than July 4th, bigger than Cinco De Mayo, and bigger than the time you slept with that fat girl. The reason being that about 83% of every graduating high school class migrates back to wherever they graduated from (the other 17% can't make it because of out-of-state family, work, or, in my town's case, prison).

In Randolph, the big to-do was to head over to the local Knights Of Columbus (located in scenic Randolph Industrial Park!) and meet up with all the kids you couldn't stand in high school, plus your six good friends that you hang out with every weekend anyway. It's basically the same thing as a school dance except you have to pay for the booze instead of stealing it from your parents and you smoke cigarettes outside instead of in the school bathroom.

I happen to love this event despite it's utter lameness and high white trash factor. Actually, I think it's the white trash factor that keeps me going. I don't know whether it's hearing two old chums recalling fond memories of the good times they shared on the quad at Massasoit Community College, or watching two Mobil On The Run employees "talk shop" over some suds, but something has me leaving this event feeling much better about myself.

But no, it's not the self-absorbed ego boost that I really enjoy. It's the fights.

Yup, definitely the fights.

Every year a fight breaks out, every year it's awesome, but now it's why I'll never go back. Allow me to explain.

Last year, my friends and I arrived at the party, or in proper 'Dolph-speak, rolled up to the K-of-C at around 10-ish. We were lucky to get there when we did because the gates were closed soon thereafter. Why? A fight of course.

This made things difficult because half the people we wanted to see were stuck outside milling in the lobby, waiting for another fight to erupt. So, we made an executive decision, and moved to the only other place that had a bar, a Chinese Restaurant.

Right before we got there, a car flew out of the parking lot, tires squealing, only to be chased by the kid who got into a fight at the K-of-C mere hours ago. We found out later the driver of the car was the other kid in the fight. Anyways, the combatant on foot did what any rational person would do when put in this situation.... he started chasing after the car, eventually facing the front windshield from about 10 feet away, swearing his face off. So, I'm stopped in the middle of the street, watching a face-off, only one of the participants is in a car, the other, on foot.

Then, he ran the kid over with his car and took off!

Man, it was awesome. We couldn't believe what we saw.

A kid got hit with a fucking car. There's no way this year's K-of-C RHS reunion is topping that one. Not unless, this plays out on North Main Street.

Evolution of Awesome

Per Katelyn...

Watching the Arcade Fire Austin City Limits performance on PBS last night Katelyn mentioned how much Will Butler reminded her of Tim Riggins. Not so much in that he was drunkenly banging his neighbor while rearing her bastard child, but more so that they have the same hairstyle and like to hit things with much vigor.

Thoughts?

A Message From We Need Girlfriends And Some Helpful Hints On How To Get WNG Onto TV:

TV for WNG

Hey everyone,

We've been waiting to announce the news about "We Need Girlfriends" potential TV future for a couple of months now, and we're so glad we finally got the okay to do so. So far the outpouring of support has been overwhelming. I can't even begin to tell you how much we appreciate it.

So far we're very early in the preproduction process. We've spent the past couple of weeks working on the script, but because of the writers strike, we've had to hold off. We don't have much news to report yet, but I guarantee you that WNG is in the hands of the right people. Not only are they brilliant producers that have made turned out some amazing project in the past, but they are just the nicest folks you can imagine. We thank our lucky stars every day that they found "We Need Girfriends." And, even better, they genuinely love and understand the webseries. We're in good hands with them. And we're in good hands with our managers and agents. We're lucky. We're very lucky. And we gratefully acknowledge this.

One question we've been getting a lot in emails is, "What can we do to help?" Which is unbelievable. And before we reply we'd like to say "Thank you for even asking that!"

And, well, if you'd like to help, here's our suggestion.

Make waves.

See we, like you, would love to see "We Need Girlfriends" on the CBS Fall Schedule next year. And to do that we have to make sure that everyone knows about it. Contact your favorite entertainment news website or magazine and tell them you'd like to see a story about "We Need Girlfriends." Heck, contact your least favorite and tell them the same. Write about it in your blogs or school papers or local papers or local magazines or local what have yous. Post it on your MySpace pages. Talk about it on message boards. And, heck, while you're at it, write to (or email) CBS and tell them how much you like the webseries and how you much you want to see it on TV next year.

The more this gets out there the more likely it gets all the way to series.

Again, we appreciate everything you've done for us. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. So thank you a million times over.

So you can start by going to cbs.com, scrolling all the way to the bottom and clicking the Feedback button.



Then check the appropriate boxes and write something witty, charming and not at all desperate. TV stations like sane people. But, if this doesn't work we're going to sell them case after case of live squirrels.

Yeah, No It's Not

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My site is worth $59,055,072.
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South Park And Guitar Hero Together At Last

I thought it was going to be awesome when South Park tackled the Mighty Ducks (albeit loosely), but this is going to be fucking awesome.

Guitar Queer-o

Stan and Kyle are hooked on Guitar Hero. But Stan's superior skills on the video game damage his friendship with Kyle.

Straddling The Line Of Hilarity and Inappropriateness

Congrats to Brian, Angel and Steve of 'We Need Girlfriends' Fame

Loyal blog readers (a.k.a. Mom), you may remember how I've been bringing you updates on everyone's favorite web series WNG since its inception. Well now, all of my good pals' hard work has paid off.

Check out this from The Hollywood Reporter:

"Sex and the City" creator Darren Star has teamed with CBS to develop a comedy based on the Web series "We Need Girlfriends."

The network has handed out a script commitment to the project, which would be written by Steven Tsapelas, Angel Acevedo and Brian Amyot, the masterminds behind the original series that has drawn as many as 700,000 views per episode on YouTube during its 11-episode run.

The online "Girlfriends" chronicles the adventures of Tom (Patrick Cohen), Henry (Seth Kirschner) and Rod (Evan Bass), recent college graduates struggling to understand the complex world of the New York dating scene after they are simultaneously dumped by their long-term college girlfriends.

Star will executive produce "Girlfriends" for CBS and Sony Pictures TV, with Dennis R. Erdman and Clark Peterson serving as co-exec producers.

Congrats dudes!

2007 Red Sox Playlist

Are you (gasp) sick of hearing the Dropkick Murphy's right about now (or always, for that matter)?

Thankfully, I've created the ultimate playlist for you, while you bask in the glory of the Red Sox 2007 World Series Championship. One song dedicated to every member of the Red Sox. Enjoy:

PITCHERS:

Jonathan Papelbon – “I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor” – Arctic Monkeys

Key Lyric: Well I bet that you look good on the dance floor/Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984

Not since the updated Electric Slide hit the 1995 Bar Mitzvah circuit has a dance craze swept the nation like Papelbon’s jig. He may be clinically insane, but he’s amazing and we love him for it.

Tim Wakefield – “Float On” – Modest Mouse

Key Lyric: Don't you worry we'll all float on/All float on

With injury problems creeping up on the Senior Sox, it may be time for Tim to Float on into retirement and the Red Sox Hall Of Fame

Eric Gagne – “Everyday I Love You Less And Less” – Kaiser Chiefs

Key Lyric: And everyday I love you less and less /You're turning into something I detest/And everybody says that your a mess/Since everyday I love you less and less

I remember sitting in the Cask n’ Flagon for Eric Gagne’s debut. He looked amazing, save for a bloop hit. Flash forward a few weeks, and hearing the phrase ‘Now Pitching, Eric Gagne’, provokes a bloodcurdling scream. The record setting closer can now only be trusted with an 8+ run lead.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – “Oh My God” – Mark Ronson feat. Lilly Allen (though technically a Kaiser Chiefs song)

Key Lyric: Oh my God I can’t believe it/I’ve been this far away from home

Towards the end of the year it became apparent that Matsuzaka was not the same pitcher he was overseas, mainly because he wasn’t getting the same calls he was used to. As his reputation grows, so will his strike zone.

Jon Lester – “Two Headed Boy” – Neutral Milk Hotel

Key Lyric: Two-headed boy/There is no reason to grieve/The world that you need is wrapped in gold silver sleeves

You never know what you’re gonna get when Lester is on the mount. It’s either a dominating performance by a stud prospect or a grueling 4 inning, 7 walk outing.

Curt Schilling – “The Black Hawk War, or, How to Demolish an Entire Civilization and Still Feel Good About Yourself in the Morning, or, We Apologize for the Inconvenience but You're Going to Have to Leave Now, or, 'I Have Fought the Big Knives and Will Continue to Fight Them Until They Are Off Our Lands!'" – Sufjan Stevens

Key Lyrics: Ironically, this song is instrumental.

The most wordy song title on my iPod goes to the most verbose member of the Red Sox. Normally I like to take Schill to task, but when it was ‘Put Up or Shut Up’ time in the playoffs, he Put Up. Who knows where he’ll be next year, though.

Josh Beckett – "Rock The House" – Gorillaz

Key Lyric: Taking you to another landscape/Is my mandate

Without Josh Beckett's pitching there’s no way we’d be where we are this year. Case in point: 2006, when Beckett was not the dominant force he was today

Mike Timlin – "Time Is Running Out" – Muse

Key Lyric: Our time is running out

Another veteran pitcher probably heading towards retirement after a great career and great playoffs.

Manny Delcarmen – "Welcome Home" – Coheed & Cambria

Key Lyric: Hang on to the glory at my right hand.

Local kid getting to pitch for his hometown team in the World Series? Pretty cool.

Clay Buchholz – "Song For Clay" – Bloc Party

Key Lyric: I am trying to be heroic/In an age of modernity./I am trying to be heroic/because all around me history sings.

Why not?

Javier Lopez – "Who Cares?" – Gnarls Barkley

Key Lyric: Who cares?

I don’t.

Hideki Okajima – "Decent Days And Nights" – The Futureheads

Key Lyric: If you work it out tell me what you find

After giving up a Home Run to the first batter he ever faced, Okie became our second most reliable reliever this season, putting together an amazing season to everyone’s surprise.

OUTFIELDERS

Manny Ramirez – “Carry On My Wayward Son” – Kansas

Key Lyric: Carry on my wayward son/There’ll be peace when you are done.

Manny is so misunderstood by the media that when he broke his silence only to say something completely rational (It’s only a game), he was buried. He should just keep doing what he’s doing (Being a bad, bad man, man) for his remaining years and retire as one of the greatest Left Fielders of all time.

Coco Crisp – "Deadwood" – Dirty Pretty Things

Key Lyric: Don’t give me that face /I know when I should live in disgrace /Not dig up the deadwood/I knew this place was never the place for me

See ya, Coco. At least he boosted his trade value with that catch in Game 7 of the ALCS.

JD Drew – "Sometimes I Don’t Get You" – Yo La Tengo

Key Lyric: Sometimes I don't know you/It's like we never met

J.D. Drew’s swing is gorgeous, only too many times it’s end result is a ground out to 2nd base. Sometimes he’s amazing in the field, other times it’s like watching a deleted scene from Angels In The Outfield (pre Christopher Lloyd’s intervention, natch). I don’t know what to make of this dude.

Eric Hinske – "These Are The Fables" – The New Pornographers

Key Lyric: These are fables on my street

Remember when Eric Hinske was Rookie Of The Year? Me neither. He better stay the hell away from Pedroia and Ellsbury.

Jacoby Ellsbury – "Run Like An Antelope" – Phish

Key Lyric: Set the gearshift to the high gear of your soul/You’ve got to run like an antelope/Out of control

I’ve never seen a member of the Red Sox take two bases on a Wild Pitch with such ease. Jacoby is going to be a breath of fresh air in Boston allowing the Sox to mix in a little small ball with their typical AL play.

Bobby Kielty - "Wake Up" - Arcade Fire

Key Lyric: With my lightning bolts a-glowing/I can see where I am going

Kielty woke up from his bench induced slumber (not including the snooze alarm that is C.C. Sabathia) to hit the World Series winning home run. Bobby "bleeping" Kielty. The finest redhead to don a Red Sox uniform in years

INFIELDERS:

Kevin Youkilis – "Israel’s Son" – Silverchair

Key Lyric: I am Israel’s son/Put your hands in the air

I couldn’t find any songs about horrid facial hair (ZZ Top songs don’t count) so I have to give props to a fellow chosen son. With Adam Stern and Gabe Kapler gone, it’s just me and you, buddy!

Julio Lugo – "Let’s Call It Off" – Peter Bjorn and John

Key Lyric: Did you agree/ we just let it be/And did you agree/ It's a must/Let's call the whole thing off.

Hopefully we’re dunzo with the Julio Lugo experience. I know I’m dunzo with saying dunzo, however.

Dustin Pedroia – "Emerge" – Fischerspooner

Key Lyric: Feels good/Looks good/Sounds good/Looks good

1. I find it hilarious that Dustin, nee Dusty, would listen to horrible techno music

2. I’m part of a 3 person campaign to rename Dustin as Dusty, join the fight

3. Despite the man’s serious Napoleon Complex, he has emerged as one of the team’s superstars.

Mike Lowell – "So Come Back, I Am Waiting" – Okkervil River

Key Lyric: So come back and we'll take them all on.

My gut feeling tells me Mike Lowell will not be back, but I’m hoping he’ll take a 2 year deal with the Sox, and play Gold Glove caliber defense on the way to a few more World Series titles.

Alex Cora - "Fancy Claps" - Wolf Parade
Key Lyric: We'll be home then/We can sing and/We'll be home then

Cora has been relegated to hanging out in the dugout and joining in in celebratory handshakes with happy teammates. Best. Job. Ever.

CATCHERS

Jason Varitek – "Ride Captain Ride" – Blues Image

Key Lyric: Ride captain ride/Upon your mystery ship/On your way to a world/That others might have missed.

He’s getting up there in age, his bat is slowing, but he’s still the brains of our operation.

Doug Mirabelli – "Wake Me Up When September Comes" – Green Day

Key Lyric: Wake me up when September comes

Keeping a pretty bad backup catcher on the roster solely to catch a knuckleballer doesn’t really make sense. Neither does this song selection.

DESIGNATED HITTER:

David Ortiz – "The Man Of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts "– Sufjan Stevens

Key Lyric: Man of Steel, Man of Heart /Turn your ear to my part /There are things you have said/Raise the boat, and raise the dead

Big Papi, our personal smiling Superman single-handedly got us to the promised land in 2004 and the momentum is still carrying in Red Sox Nation.

MANAGER:

Terry Francona – "Everything In It’s Right Place" – Radiohead

Key Lyric: Everything in it’s right place
Tito made all the right moves all year.

Zdeno Chara Is A Monstrous Man



After a season of not being allowed to fight by his former coach who couldn't bear to deal with the loss of his ice time, Zdeno Chara was finally allowed to beat the everloving shit out of someone whilst wearing a Bruins uniform.

Chara's victim: the 6'6" David Koci. Nomally a large man, but when you're the tallest player in an entire league, everyone's your bitch.



And, in the words of Smokey from 'Friday' via the USA Networks edit: "Maaan. You got knocked the flu out"




Video of the fight: Can be found here.

The Challenge Has Come And Gone OR: While My Video Game Guitar Gently Weeps

So last week the Guitar Hero Rock Band challenge came to fruition. I lost to Bang Camaro's Brynn Bennett 95%-91% despite the fact that Brynn was the basis for one of the fucking characters.

It was a lot of fun and I hope to one day be able to afford this game in my own home.

Here's the link to the actual page of video challenges.

http://www.myfoxboston.com/myfox/pages/ContentDetail?contentId=4736602

World Series!

Check out the pic the studio webcam caught of me during Youk's home run