Saturday, April 07, 2007

Hippitus Hoppitus: Holy Week Really Ends Monday

Holy Week is a good week for learning.

I learned, from my roomates, that Fish is not considered meat because of a Papal decree to help out local fishermen.

I learned, from my girlfriend, everything I needed to know about Vatican 2 (and more!)

I learned, from my co-workers, that no matter how hard I try, I will always need to explain what I can and cannot eat for Passover.

I learned, from South Park, about the true nature of the Easter Bunny and the valiant work done by the Hare Club For Men.

Now it's time for you to learn, from me, that Holy Week is actually 9 days long. Traditionally, Holy Week looks like this:
1)Palm Sunday
2)Holy Monday
3)Two-fer Holy Tuesday
4)Holy Wednesday
5)Maundy (Holy) Thursday
6)Good Friday
7)Holy Saturday

BUT, there's a day of equal importance, that doesn't seem to get as much love as it deserves. Of course I'm talking about:
9)Marshmallow Markdown Monday

Starting at Midnight, Peeps, the glorious treat of Easter will be marked down to prices even Pontius Pilate could love. Sure, many of you may be lured by the promise of a creamy Cadbury Egg, but me? I crave nothing of the like. To me, nothing is more glorious then those marshmallow clones, coated in sugar and wrapped in cellophane.

The color? Not important. The shape? Even less so. I've eaten ducks, chicks, bunnies. Hell, if they made human shaped peeps colored in plaid sugar, I'd eat the whole fucking box.

"After Easter Sale" means nothing to be since I don't need to worry about "Pre" or even "During Easter" prices so once those 19 cent boxes of Peeps come knocking I come a calling. You can bet your bottom dollar, I'll be first in line praying at the church of CVS, and you should, too.

So Sunday, we can admire and honor the feat of Jesus rising, but don't forget the next day, as prices fall.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That is such a stereotypical Jewish blog right there-no offense!