Thursday, July 05, 2007

Trying To Review 'Transformers'

I saw Transformers today with Katelyn and Steve. It was a big day, not just because my second favorite childhood toy (C'mon Teddy Ruxpin feature length!) became iconized on the big screen, but also, it was my first time at the AMC Premium Theatre and Grill.

For those out of the loop, this is the luxury theatre in Framingham that comes with leather seats, a fully catered menu, a stocked bar, and free popcorn and soda. Also, it's 21+ so there are no screaming kids or annoying tweens throwing shit and laughing at trailers for 'Delta Farce'. Basically it's heaven on Earth.

I guess that would quantify my review for the theatre. Pretty damn amazing, though, there were some projector problems that made for a barely noticeable light effect on the screen which ultimately resulted in the three of us getting free passes for next time.

The movie, well I don't really know where to start. Transformers were, like, THE toy I collected growing up. I love them. All this despite recent candid comments from my Mom who told me that I was too retarded to 'transform' them by myself and she had to help me. Whatever.

I can't tell if this movie was funny, or unintentionally funny. There were all these creepily weird parts. The WEIRDEST being the end when Shia Lebouf starts making out with brunette protagonist chick (I have no idea what her, or anyone aside from Lebouf's character names were) on top of BumbleBee. If the thought of this chick getting Lebouf'D on top of a car that comes to life and is a living, breathing, friend of theirs isn't weird enough, the camera pans off to show the rest of the Autobots watching them! All the while, Optimus Prime is delivering a monologue about how the Autobots will stay on Earth, protecting and 'watching you, even though you may not know it'. WHAT THE FUCK. Autobots are fucking pervs.

There are other weird parts, like the fact that they let a foreigner be an integral part of the U.S. Dept. of Defense (who Katelyn says wears a very unrealistic outfit), everything about John Turturro, and Shia 'Sam Witwicky' Lebouf being angered over brunette protagonist chick not telling him she had a juvenile record, despite them knowing eachother for a total of 2 days.

What a weird movie:

jEfFENIXtx6: i think michael bay movies are getting worse
jEfFENIXtx6: im not surprised
jEfFENIXtx6: but, they just are
jEfFENIXtx6: it's like noticing a heroin addict getting skinnier or something
Ryan: but are they getting louder--that's the better question
jEfFENIXtx6: not noticeably :(

Ryan: you know he started out with playboy videos?
jEfFENIXtx6: really? not surprising
Ryan : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0471307/
Ryan: can't make that stuff up
jEfFENIXtx6: frankly, it explains alot
Ryan: indeed
jEfFENIXtx6: im seeing miss October '89 walking out of a fighter jet as a camera slow pans around the hatch
jEfFENIXtx6: THEN BLAM!
jEfFENIXtx6: Bruce Willis gives his life for her career

1 comment:

Marcia Israel said...

I did NOT say you were retarded. I did. however, mention that you had difficulty with some of the more intricate transformers. I was able to transform them; how fortunated for you or a piece of your childhood would have been tragic (read: tons of transformers with only one shape).