Saturday, November 22, 2008

I Saw Twilight At Midnight

You know the scene in Coming To America where they are bullshitting around the Barber Shop and the following conversation ensues?

-That boy good!
-Yea, good and terrible!


Well, that's kind of what the movie Twilight was like. And yes, I saw it at midnight on Thursday night.

Full Disclosure: I read the first two books and I liked them alright. There's a bit too much teen girl crap in ratio to cool vampire stuff in the books, but as a 26 year old guy, I imagine I'm not the target market.

On to the goods (and terribles) of the Twilight experience...



Good: Over prepared-ness by the Randolph Movie Theater. Originally slated to play in 2 theaters, the crowd was insane and they opened a third. Also, when Katelyn and I arrived, the line to get into Theater 12 was a mass of Hot Topic insanity that stretched for miles. They let us switch to Theater 4, which had no line to speak of. Nice.

And Terrible: The people surround us in line. Holy shit, what a poor sample size of humanity.

Directly in front of us: A couple either very dumb or very stoned or very much both. The girl was not wearing shoes and the guy wouldn't shut up. He once had a 20 minute conversation with himself (because his girl didnt really talk) in which he tried to figure out "the name of that Chinese place in California where the movie premieres are."

Directly behind us: A large, gothy looking know-it-all who was one of those know-it-alls that have to announce to the world every miniscule production note on the Twilight series and all other series that somehow vaguely relate to the occult. Had bad piercings. Waited in line for hours alone. But she did strike up a never ending convesation with:

The ghetto girls to our right: I've never watched the show "True Blood", but thanks to them I know that, "That black dude is gay but he's a straight up nigga." Well then. One also asked if this movie was just going to be about "Twilight" or all 4 of the books (which have different titles.) Awesome.



Good: Seat situation. Opening the third theatre helped out. Think we had a few seats open to our left to put jackets, etc.

And Terrible: Going to a movie filled with screaming tweens is annoying. The squeal when Edward Cullen appeared on screen was hilarious. There were also grls behind us doing a full on play by play of EVERYTHING going on.





Good: The casting. Bella, her dad and her friends were all cast pretty well. They gave scenes that could've been boring some life.

And Terrible: The casting, speficially for Rosalie and Carlisle. In the books, Rosalie is basically described as the hottest person of all time. Not going to lie, I was excited to see who was going to play her. Turns out we get this. C'mon, Michael! You know things are bad when your girlfriend brings up the fact that another girl should be hotter.

And oh, man. Carlisle Cullen as portrayed by.... Peter fuckin Facinelli!! Holy shit, Mike Dexter himself! When he walked on screen Katelyn and I started laughing out loud. Not good, especially when his scene involves tending to an injured person in a hospital. Only wish he referred to Bella as "Isabell-UH", Aman-duh, style.


Good: The movie. It was pretty solid. On the archaic ranking system, maybe a B- or something. The scenes with Bella's friends were well beyond expectations and the cinematography was pretty beautiful.

And Terrible: The movie, specifically the director Catherine Hardwicke, who should probably be banned from making movies. God, she was terrible. Random jump cuts, arbitrary use of (very, very poor) special effects (hey look, Edward's fast. we get it. zOMG vampires are strong, too,) and of course, the flashback:

For no reason, while Jacob was explaining Werewolf history to Bella, Hardwicke decided to show the most ridiculous sepia-colored flashback video in the history of flashbacks. It showed Native Americans in Wolf hats, descending upon the Cullens decked out in colonial era clothes. WTF? It was SO fucking bad, Katelyn and I again, started laughing out loud. During a serious scene.


Twilight was full of unintentional humor like that. Bottom line, it looked like it was made for very very little money. If it has any intentions of even being spoken in the same breath as Harry Potter, it's got another thing coming.

There it is. Twilight. At Midnight.

2 comments:

JoshS said...

Did you confuse goth with douchebag vampire boners? And yes, Lafayette from Ture Blood is gay but those ghetto Randolph girls were right on the money.

Matthew said...

More like terrible and terrible.