Holy Shit. I Think I Forgot I Had A Blog

Seriously. What the fuck. No one even yells at me for being lazy anymore. C'mon people.

I was reminded I had a blog because Steve of 'We Need Girlfriends' fame commented on a post. That caused me to look at my post list and, man, I'm an ass. It's not like there's been a lack of interesting shit going on.

First, the last (ever?) episode of We Need Girlfriends came out two weeks ago. Watch it here.

Next, I went to ACL Fest two weeks ago, with a press pass, got VIP treatment all weekend, and interviewed a slew of cool people. How the fuck have I not blogged about this? Well, technically I DID blog about it on the FOX site. But it would be better "If I Did It" (copyright OJ) on this blog because I can swear on it.

So, read those blogs here and just intersperse the words "fuck" and "shit" where you feel it belongs.

Third, Bang Camaro challenge is ON in 2 weeks. Plus, they changed the challenge on me! I may be playing Bang Camaro on their own song on a brand new, incredibly hyped video game that hasn't even come out yet. Wink. Wink.

So, thank you Steven Tsapelas. You've done a great service to my blog.

Novelty T-shirt Of The Week.

In the wake of last week's heart shattering realization that I own the same clothes as Zac Efron (even more heart shattering, knowing who Zac Efron is) I've decided to confess one thing. I love cheeky novelty t shirts.

A lot look like shit, but there's a wide variety of good ones you can find.

I pledge to bring my personal favorites to this space every week. I'm sure it'll be a huge honor, especially when I forget about my pledge in 3 weeks.

This week's edition comes from the fine folks at Vintage Vantage who's softness of shirt I can attest to. If they'd like to send me this one for free, I'd be happy to wear it. XL please. your shirts are small.



I'll also take reader submissions for highlarious tshirts spotted on the streets or around the intrawabs.

Anyway, I'm going to Austin City Limits Music Festival and that's always a haven of hilarity. My friend Davis even found his twin:

I Need To Start Reevaluating My Life When....

David Beckham And His Traveling Roadshow Invade Foxboro. In A Related Story, The Revolution Beat The Galaxy

The chant echoing throughout the concourse of Gillette Stadium before kick off summed it all up. Sung to the tune of, 'If You're Happy And You Know It', it went something like this:

"If you came to see just Beckham, sucks for you *clap* *clap*"

Judging by the massive amounts of boos that cascaded down from the Gillette crowd when Beckham's benched mug popped up on the Jumbotron in the 87th minute, tonight might've sucked for a lot of people. But not for me, and definitely not for the MLS.

Anyone that doubted Becks' ridiculous contract is wrong. I did, myself, but it was impossible to gauge the marketing effects without seeing it first hand. I've been to a ton of Revolution games throughout the years. I'd say about a third of the crowd wears jerseys or soccer paraphernalia to games. The majority being club/international/youth/random jerseys with Revolution attire coming in a distant second. Tonight was like stepping into a different country. I'd say more than 3/4 of the crowd was wearing something soccer related. A staggering amount of people wore Beckham garb, be it Galaxy/England/Real/ManU jerseys or t shirts, and an impressive amount of people had Revs stuff on. It was pretty jarring.

Then, there's the crowd itself. "The Beckham Game" as it was being dubbed was a sellout, with a little help from Beckham, and Bob Kraft, who could be the shrewdest guy around based on what he pulled.

First, you couldn't buy a single ticket to tonight's game. Each ticket bought must be contained within a 4 game multi-pack.

Second, he limited capacity to the Lower Bowl and Club Level seats, making 32,000 available and eliminating the need to open up Upper Level concessions, bathrooms, security detail, etc.

So, Kraft managed to, roughly, cut in half his audience (Gillette holds about 68k) but quadruple the dollar value of every ticket sold. If he didn't wear mismatched collared dress shirts, I might think he's a genius.

---

Despite Beckham's absence the game was great and the crowd was on the precipice of being really good. The mainstays of Revolution games sit in a section called The Fort, in the end zone section right next to the lighthouse. These are the kinds of people who bring drums to games, create chants, wear masks and openly admit to liking The Dropkick Murphys. I always sit in their section at games, and I was hoping they'd sort of set the bar and get the rest of the stadium rocking. Instead, they seemed to resent the fact that more than 12,000 people showed up to the game.

When 'The Wave' made its way around the stadium (yeah, I know, The Wave at a soccer game, but it's still America) the stalwarts of The Fort acted like Brooklynites who just found out Arcade Fire was on TRL and flipped off the entire stadium. Way to build that fan base.

Overall, I think the Beckham project will be a success. I think he can even compete in the MLS despite his age and declining skills. Let us not forget this is the same league that Youri Djorkaeff dominated the past two years and I'm pretty sure he went to school with Maxamillian Robespierre.

Plus, him not playing in all of these cities, just boosted the intrigue for the next time he's in town. It's a vicious cycle.

I Bet You Thought I'd Call This Post 'Blog It Like Beckham'

Becks is in town to play the Revs (abbreviating is awesome!) and I'm headed there with some people. It should be a fun time, as I haven't been to a Revs game in more than a season. The place will be packed, they sold 32,000 seats and could've sold way more if they hadn't capped capacity at whatever the Lower Bowl holds.

Beckham might not even play which would be a shame (though could make the crowd even rowdier, and we're already sitting in The Fort, so it will be nutty).

More importantly on the Beckham related front: Beckham was dining at the Cheesecake Factory at the SouthShore Fucking Plaza in Braintree last night?!

What the fuck?

I've worked there for several years and have been going there forever an the occasional celebrity sighting is not rare at all (lots of Pats players live in nearby Marina Bay, etc). Hell I've even seen 3/4 of the members of New Kids On The Block at separate times at the SSP (thought it is debatable whether or not Danny Wood was working or shopping at Abercrombie). But, there's something bizarre about a $250m man shopping where you once tried (and failed, btw) to get numbers as a 15 year old on weekends.

Weird.

Links of Awesomeness!

Because I'm lazy, here's a link dump. My first one ever.


- First Stupid Questions Post: I need your help with this, so check it out and contribute.

- The Penultimate (second to last) Episode Of We Need Girlfriends this season, and possible ever!, is up and fucking fantastic.

- My second favorite web series. A must for Arrested Development fans.

-

The Simpsons Movie

Got an advanced screening pass to see The Simpsons Movie tonight, thanks to good ole' Uncle Rupert. Turns out WBCN gave out hundreds of passes to the same screening making it a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

Thankfully myself, and three of the biggest Simpson fans I know (Ryan, Chaves and Tino) headed into Fenway Theatres early enough to snag good seats. In fact, finding any seats, good or not, was lucky. Apparently there were a few hundred people who didn't get in. Oh well.

The movie kicks off with a bang but, expectedly gets a little slow towards the end. Some great in-jokes (the ticker, to be continued) and an amazing cameo (Tom Hanks) really keep it going. Seeing how the show is only good for one or two laughs per episode these days, the fact that they made a damn good feature length movie is impressive.

That's my spolier-less review. I give it a 7.5/10. Don't forget to stay through the credits.

The News Keeps On Rollin...

My publicist Josh (that's a complete lie, by the way, I have never really done anything worth publicizing, not including my turn as Aesop in Ms. Gaudette's 3rd grade production of Aesop's Fables) has been working the phones, manning the intrawebs ,tapping out the Morse codes all the way in England, trying to make this Bang Camaro challenge happen. And oh does he have some good news for us!

According to Bang Camaro's publicist (their actual publicist), the band will be back in our studios sometime in October for the challenge. This follows a photo shoot for Rolling Stone and a bunch of other shows. Holy shit.

Bring it on, motherfuckers!

New Project: Revealed

That new project I've been slaving over starting a new gmail and blogger account for is complete.

I present you with

There Is Such Thing As A Stupid Question

Enjoy, and please, for the love of god, help me out.

I haven't been around much as I've been getting to some super secret business, but expect some new goodness soon. How about a review of The Simpsons: Movie tomorrow? I've corralled some sneak peek passes, check out the tickets!

Harry Potter V

For all the reasons I disliked the book Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix, I loved the movie.

It's easily the best movie of the series (in contention with Azkaban). Goblet Of Fire was OK, but the watered down plot was such copout bullshit it's not even funny.

I can't believe I'm blogging about Harry Potter and not my challenge with Bang Camaro/My super secret nwe project I'm working on/the strong possibility I may get a press pass for Austin City Limits Music Festival.

What a dork.

This 4 Minute Video Is Better Than The Entirety Of 'Transformers'

Mike came back from Wisconsin today and showed me this video. It's the greatest YouTube clip of all time (with apologies to We Need Girlfriends). Eject, Operation Beth Shut The Fuck Up!

Danny Ainge's Fascination With Robert Swift And His Shiny Red Hair Makes Much More Sense Now

Trying To Review 'Transformers'

I saw Transformers today with Katelyn and Steve. It was a big day, not just because my second favorite childhood toy (C'mon Teddy Ruxpin feature length!) became iconized on the big screen, but also, it was my first time at the AMC Premium Theatre and Grill.

For those out of the loop, this is the luxury theatre in Framingham that comes with leather seats, a fully catered menu, a stocked bar, and free popcorn and soda. Also, it's 21+ so there are no screaming kids or annoying tweens throwing shit and laughing at trailers for 'Delta Farce'. Basically it's heaven on Earth.

I guess that would quantify my review for the theatre. Pretty damn amazing, though, there were some projector problems that made for a barely noticeable light effect on the screen which ultimately resulted in the three of us getting free passes for next time.

The movie, well I don't really know where to start. Transformers were, like, THE toy I collected growing up. I love them. All this despite recent candid comments from my Mom who told me that I was too retarded to 'transform' them by myself and she had to help me. Whatever.

I can't tell if this movie was funny, or unintentionally funny. There were all these creepily weird parts. The WEIRDEST being the end when Shia Lebouf starts making out with brunette protagonist chick (I have no idea what her, or anyone aside from Lebouf's character names were) on top of BumbleBee. If the thought of this chick getting Lebouf'D on top of a car that comes to life and is a living, breathing, friend of theirs isn't weird enough, the camera pans off to show the rest of the Autobots watching them! All the while, Optimus Prime is delivering a monologue about how the Autobots will stay on Earth, protecting and 'watching you, even though you may not know it'. WHAT THE FUCK. Autobots are fucking pervs.

There are other weird parts, like the fact that they let a foreigner be an integral part of the U.S. Dept. of Defense (who Katelyn says wears a very unrealistic outfit), everything about John Turturro, and Shia 'Sam Witwicky' Lebouf being angered over brunette protagonist chick not telling him she had a juvenile record, despite them knowing eachother for a total of 2 days.

What a weird movie:

jEfFENIXtx6: i think michael bay movies are getting worse
jEfFENIXtx6: im not surprised
jEfFENIXtx6: but, they just are
jEfFENIXtx6: it's like noticing a heroin addict getting skinnier or something
Ryan: but are they getting louder--that's the better question
jEfFENIXtx6: not noticeably :(

Ryan: you know he started out with playboy videos?
jEfFENIXtx6: really? not surprising
Ryan : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0471307/
Ryan: can't make that stuff up
jEfFENIXtx6: frankly, it explains alot
Ryan: indeed
jEfFENIXtx6: im seeing miss October '89 walking out of a fighter jet as a camera slow pans around the hatch
jEfFENIXtx6: THEN BLAM!
jEfFENIXtx6: Bruce Willis gives his life for her career

Exciting News On The Bang Camaro Front

Newer blog readers may be confused about what this proposed 'Bang Camaro' deal is all about. Here's the long and the short of it. Actually, it's just the short of it.

A month ago, I challenged Bang Camaro to come back on the FOX25 Morning News to play me in their own song on Guitar Hero 2. They accepted (the video's a few posts down somewhere). To my knowledge, and to anyone's knowledge really, this has never been done before (honestly, I think I'd remember if David Bowie played Ziggy Stardust on a fucking plastic Gibson SG with color coded buttons).

Anyway, I was getting kinda down on the whole thing because the band didn't seem to into it. Their publicist was, and some Boston area newspapers are just waiting for the whole thing to come to fruition, but I couldn't get the band to extrapolate on the thing (aka talk shit to me via the blog). It sort of soured my training, too.

You see, I'm fucking terrible at Push Push (Lady Lightning) on 'Hard'. It's REALLY hard. But I haven't been doing any training because I thought BC wasn't into the thing. Then I got encouraging news.

Bang Camaro was playing a show in Chicago tonight (7/1) and I had some spies attending. The following correspondence was from a buddy of mine at my favorite music dork message board on the intrawebs (that will remain nameless):

good news for you, Jeff!
your Guitar Hero challenge is still on
just got back from Bang Camaro
what a fun show, really enjoyed it
i spoke w/ McClain briefly afterwards
told him i had a question for him, from (you) at FoxNews in Boston
"is 'the Challenge' still on??"
he knew right away what i meant by that, smiled kinda sheepishly and said yes, it's still on
but they've been really busy
he said they're all really bad at that game but he's still looking forward to it

Fucking awesome! Training is back on, fully. I'm sure my girlfriend is enthused at the idea.

Meantime, thanks to everyone for digging through the archives following heads up from team We Need Girlfriends. I got an IM from my former resident Zoe who says, "everyone knows my blog". This is fucking astonishing considering I've neglected it more than wrote in it. Still knowing people read it is as good motivation as any. Well, not as good as knowing that I'm going to dominate Bang Camaro's collective faces off.

I feel like we should make a wager. I win, I'm in the band. They win, they get to work at Fox ........ well I don't have any suggestions. Maybe YOU do.

Leave some comments. Please. I'm lonely.

We Need Girlfriends: Episode 9 - The Morning After.

Enjoy, kiddos