I Transcribe The Greatest Moment in Conan O'Brien History
It's no secret that I'm a Conan fan. I'll take him over any other late night host in the game. I can trace my adoration for Conan back to 1998, when the single best late night talk show appearance of all time transpired. It is so awesome that I found the mp3 of a recording on Napster, like, the second week I moved into college. I have it burned onto CD, and now I have it on my iPod. I can't for the life of me find video of it, as NBC is as afraid of the internet as Fox 25, so, for you, the loyal viewing public, I shall transcribe the single greatest moment in Conan history.
The Players: Conan O'Brien, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Norm Macdonald, Carrot Top (by proxy), Horrified Audience (not pictured)
The scene: Conan is interviewing Cournety Thorne-Smith. She is the second guest of the program, Norm being the first. He stays on the couch in between Andy Richter and Courtney Thorne-Smith for the interview. Hilarity ensues:
Conan: I want to talk to you about something, because this came up earlier accidentally, because I don't know what Norm's going to talk about, and it's best that I don't know what he will talk about, but he mentioned Carrot Top. You are making a movie with Carrot Top?
Courney Thorne-Smith: Made a movie with Carrot Top
Conan: OK, you made a movie with Carrot Top, it's not out yet. Can you put the picture of Carrot Top up again? There he is.
Norm: Wait a minute, she left Melrose Place to do a movie with Carrot Top?!
(audience laughs, nervously)
Conan: That's where I'm going my friend. This begs the question, why a movie with Carrot Top?
CTS: He was great, he did a wonderful job.
Conan: There's a scene where you two embrace?
CTS: Yup, lots of making out
Conan: Oh, for god's sake.
CTS: Nothing but making out. It's like 9 1/2 Weeks, but with Carrot Top.
Conan: (laughing) Wow, I gotta check out that movie!
Norm: Is it called 9 1/2 seconds?
Norm: Well, because he's a premature ejaculator.
(audience, Courtney, and Andy all laugh somewhat appalled)
Conan: You know what happened? He said 9 1/2 seconds and I'm look at him, because, I know there's more. Then i wait and wait, and see th glimmer in your eye and bang.....I thought you were going with crackwhore, though.
So what's the movie going to be called?
Norm: I know what it's going to be called
Conan: Yeah, Norm, what's that?
Norm: If it's got Carrot Top you know what a good name for it would be?
Conan: What's that, Norm?
Norm: Box Office poision.
(audience reacts with laughter mixed with horror)
CTS: C'mon, I'm in it, too!
Conan: She's in it.
CTS: What about my career?
Conan: Courtney Thorne-Smith, the woman sitting to your left is in the movie!
Norm: I'm gonna go see it.....for Courtney.
CTS: (near tears) After you steer everyone else away?!
Norm: No, I love this girl. I would see any movie with this girl in it. She's a beautiful lady and a talented, nice......talk show guest.
Conan: As evidenced by her appearance on our rival show!
Alright, so there's this two hour season finale of Melrose Place, there's this movie coming out. Title undetermined at this point.
CTS: Chairman of the Board.
Conan: Ohhh, alright. (To Norm) Do something with that, ya freak.
(audience laughs, and Conan tries to end interview)
Norm: (interrupting) I bet the board is spelled B-O-R-E-D
(20 seconds of laughter, noone can get out a word)
Conan: Alright everybody, that's pretty much our show.
YouTube Clip Of The Day
I hope Sheffield doesn't do this to Matsuzaka