Friday, November 03, 2006

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Held The Door Open For Me While I Was Still A Great Distance Away

Hey, you down that corridor. Hey, thanks for holding the door for me.

No, wait up, I'm almost there. Hold on, here I come.

Wow, finally made it. Hey, I'd like to thank you for holding that door for me but I think I'm cramping up. Don't mind me while I catch a quick breath.

You wouldn't happen to have any orange slices? Perhaps some Gatorade? Maybe an inhaler?

No on all counts? Wow, just my luck.

Anyways, before I properly thank you, let me just relace my Cross Trainers. Yikes, my ankle might be sprained. Pardon me, but could I perhaps borrow an Ace bandage?

No? Damn, well I'll survive otherwise.

Sorry about all of that. But, hey, I really appreciate you holding this door for me. I saw you notice me get out of my car about 300 yards back and, man was I psyched you started holding the door for me as soon as I unbuckled my seatbelt.

I don't know how you knew that I can't open doors for myself. It all stems back to this debilitating fear that, well, I won't bore you with that.

Anyways, I didnt want your act of modern day kindness to go unnoticed so I sprinted from my car to the door, lest you feel uncomfortable.

Oh, you saw me dodge that car? Yah, it was pretty close.

Well, I need to go and look for an oxygen mask, but once again, I really appreciate you holding the door for me when i was 1/4 of a mile away, making me run akwardly to accept your goodwill gesture.

Asshole
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A shoutout to Jimmy "Gunshot" Clark who created a Facebook group dedicated to this blog. Jimmy and I go way back to when we were RA's and would bust up parties and steal booze. Good times!

If you want to join the group, which has a completely obnoxious name (don't blame me), then here's the link. Sorry, older readers, as this link won't work if you're not a Facebook member, and I'm pretty sure signing up for Facebook after the age of 26 automatically signs you up for the sex offender registry.

YouTube Clip Of The Day

3 comments:

chaves said...

We need to send you back to 9th grade English. "Anyways" is as much a proper English word as 'noone' and 'alot.'

Anyway means 'anyhow' or 'in any case.' "Anyways" is a strictly colloquial expression, as ungrammatical in written English as "anyhows" because adverbs cannot be plural.

Ever wonder why that crappy show is called 'Whose Line is it ANYWAY?'

Calling it 'Whose Line is it ANYWAYS' would make as much sense as those away messages that claim you're at the gym.

http://www.grammartips.homestead.com/anyway.html

ryan said...

Seriously, Chaves. We should talk.

But, on a far more serious matter, Jeff, what's up with the repeat posts? It's fucking sweeps right now, and you're treating us like it's summer re-run time.

Gunshot said...

I Second that.