Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Catching Up With Everyone's Favorite Mighty Duck

It's always good to see superior child athletes go on to make it in the major leagues of their sports. Like lovable chubby Sean Burroughs dominating the Little League World Series for Long Beach, California, then plying his trade in the bigs and sucking for both the Padres and Devil Rays, all the while, submarining fantasy baseball teams who surreptitiously held on to him, believing he'd someday be a slugging superstar.

You may think that this is a bad example, but it's not.

Rarely do we see the Lebron example, and the Burroughs effect is much more common.

A similar plight has taken to former Team USA and Eden Hall Warriors Mighty Ducks JV/Varsity backstop, Julie "The Cat" Gaffney.

You may remember Gaffney as the star goaltender from Bangor, Maine who joined Team USA as they headed off to the Junior Goodwill Games in Los Angeles. Unbeknownst to her, she would have to platoon most of the time with Greg Goldberg, often solely acting as his backup. That never stopped Julie and she continued to work hard which was noted by her coach, and she was chosen to face Iceland's lethal Gunnar "You Lost It For Yourself" Stahl in a penalty shot, easily stopping him with some great glovework.

Gaffney's hard work never ceased and it earned her the #1 goalie position for the Eden Hall Junior Varsity Team. Despite a questionable nutritional program suggested by Goldberg, Gaffney's play was stellar, helping her team defeat the mighty varsity squadron, and winning the affection of their goalie Gunnar Stahl who, in a Bourne Supremacy-esque sideplot, woke up in Minnesota one day with amnesia, an American accent, short black hair, and the desire to play goaltender Scooter.

Most of her teammates moved away from hockey, doing everything from Summer Camp Counseling to joining secret societies with Paul Walker. But not Julie, she stuck with hockey, eventually being drafted by the Boston Bruins.

Unfortunately, she was once again stuck to platoon this time with the likes of Tim Thomas. Her confidence, clearly shaken big time, caused her to get lit up in the rare instances she got to play, and after an attrocious 5-0 loss to the hands of the Nashville Predators, she was sent down to the American Hockey League's Providence Bruins. Noone seems to know what caused Gaffney's plight.

Me? I'd check to see if somehow Greg Goldberg has managed to get a job with the Bruins Strength and Conditioning department.

YouTube Clip Of The Day

It's a hellspawn mixture of the bones of fornicators and the sinews of thieves and gluttons...... actually, no, it's a Fender


Evan said...

Good stuff. I think she is tired of getting recognized as the "chick from D2 and D3" and that is the reason she cut her hair. Not sure if you listen to Toucher & Rich on WBCN, but they were ripping on Toivonen about how much he looks like a teenaged girl. I'm guessing he heard about it, becuase no more than 2 days later he was sporting a short new doo. Speaking of the Bruins grooming habits, apparently they are have a contest to see who can grow the best porn stache. You can check it out on their blog I started reading your stuff through deadspin and have become a loyal reader. Keep up the good work.

Evan said...

Julie "The Cat" has re-painted her mask for the 3rd time this season (I would imagine a girl like her has to keep up with what's trendy and be on the cutting edge of fashion). The Cat's lastest mask design pays tribute to Boston sports history. The back features a cartoon depiction of Snoopy caring the flag of Finland holding hands w/ Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, who is sporting the Stars & Stripes. I guess The Cat has time to think of these creative designs on those long, frequent drives between Boston and Providence.

Jeff said...

I did see that, Evan. He/She'll have Bruschi/Bourque/Ortiz/Bird painted on either side.

I argued they shoudlve put Ernie Digregorio and Eric Williams on either side. Prov's finest.