Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Alarm Clock Catastrophe

First things first, I owe my buddy Chaves an apology. Chaves passed along the link to yesterday's YouTube clip and I didn't give him any credit. Like always, if you have any suggestions for a clip just e-mail me the link and I'll throw it up there and give you credit. If I forget to, feel free to IM me a obscenity laced tirade like Chaves did.

Anyways, I won't take the tirade personally, Chaves has been having a rough go at it lately. He's back on the job search after a marathon employment at a courthouse for a whopping 4 days. You might be shocked, but I'm not. Chaves has a track record of lasting at every other job for less than a week. This is about the fourth time he's done something like this, and frankly I don't blame him.

It's tough to find a job your good at and that you actually like. It's got me thinking that I might need a change in occupation. Goodbye newswriting, hello babysitting.

That's right. Babysitting.

Back in the mid to late '90's I was the preminent babysitter in North Randolph. It came naturally. So why would I leave a job that remotely offers me financial security for one that pays peanuts? Easy, my friends. Babysitting is the greatest job on the face of the planet.

Does your job pick you up and take you home? No

Does your job open up it's kitchen to your every whim? No

Does your job require watching mind numbing amounts of television? Well mine does, but whatever.

Anyways, babysitting rules. The parents come pick you up in their minivan then leave you posthaste, while you mind their children. What follows is some serious TV watching with the kids which then leads to a screening of Mighty Ducks 2 and a round of Sega Genesis. The kids go to bed, and you're free to watch endless amounts of Nickolodeon's SNICK or MTV and raid their kitchen for junkfood until the parents come back. They drive you home, and pay you $30-50.

That was back about 10 years ago. Adjust for modern inflation and your night looks like this:

The parent who happens to have custody that week picks you up in their hybrid minivan, drops you off at home so they're in time to meet their Craigslist Casual Encounter/JDate/Myspace/Prison Personal Date for the evening. Administer the child's ADHD medicine and then screen The Sandlot 2 on DVD and start a Madden tournament on XBOX 360. The kid zonks out and you're free to watch endless amounts of ESPNHD on the 62" plasma TV (thank you, alimony) and raid the kitchen for all the organic junkfood you can handle. The parent comes back, drives you home, pays you $80-100 and probably asks youi if you can score pot for them one of these days.

Sound awesome?

It doesn't get better than that.

Stay tuned for a Ryan Lane MoisheBarton Gossip Column in the next few days, AND I have a very special surprise for the blog coming up sometime before the end of the month.


YouTube Clip Of The Day

Giving credit where credit is due, this clip was recommended to me by my roomates, but through hard work and determination, I found it by myself, so I won't name those helpless bastardsthem. (Just kidding, thanks Paul and Matt)


Dave 'Hey Hey Smoke Weed Everyday' Chaves said...

I personally would have liked a sample of this obscenity laced IM since I sent it using TWO screennames, hoping the entire time you'd read it with an Eric Cartman-like accent.

Jeff said...

Psht, like I save your fucking IMs.

Dave 'Chalvsrah' Chaves said...

You know you do, ass. True Story: Remember in high school when you printed (and then passed around) the conversation I had with Deb Levine? The one where I told her new nickname was 'Drugs' and that I was going to 3-D her through a table?

So what's to stop me from believing you don't have a portfolio of my greatest AIM hits?