Monday, October 16, 2006

Halloween Costume Guide 2006 Edition.

It's that time of the year again, folks. The weather is getting colder, the leaves are past peak and beginning to fall, and the Oakland A's crapped out in the playoffs. That means one thing... Halloween is right around the corner.

As I write this, we're exactly two weeks away from All Hallow's Eve and by the time I get around to finishing it, who knows, Halloween could be tomorrow. I'm that lazy.

Without further adieu, I present my list of 2006 costumes guaranteed to be the hit of your respective Halloween party.

John Mark Karr
Why: Everyone's favorite self proclaimed beauty queen killer and child diddler dominated the headlines over the past few months. Despite his bizarre claims EVERYONE knew he was full of shit and immediately made fun of him. This year, a John Mark Karr costume is the new Terry Schiavo costume. Timely, controversial, and funny.

What You Need: Polo shirt (buttoned to top button). Khaki pants (preferably oversized and pleated). Bloody tiara.

Extra Accesories: Fried King Prawns. Asian boys (and lots of them!). Police escort.

Bonus!: An esteemed colleague points out that your John Mark Karr costume can double as an Ed Grimley costume!


Napoleon Dynamite, Waterloo Was Flippin Sweet Edition

Why: Everyone loves a smart costume. This is tops in my book because it not only mocks idiots who don't understand it, but it also mocks unoriginal idiots who all went as Napoleon Dynamite last year.

What You Need: 18 century era Napoleon costume featuring hat. Dynamite visibly strapped to your waist. Developing female genitalia.

Extra Accesories: Politically ambitious Latino friend.

Fun Fact!: Last year, my roomate Steve wanted to do this costume and "rented" a Napoleonic era shirt from a garment store only to decide he didn't want to do it anymore. He wound up owing the garment store about $30 anyways. Plan accordingly.

Rodney "Rod" Farva
Why: Is this a serious question? Every person who's been in college since 2002 know who this guy is, and he's probably one of the greatest comedic characters in the past 10 years. Just wearing this costume guarantees that you'll be the life of the party.

What You Need: Beige police uniform. Mustache. Aviator sunglasses. Soda cup with hole in it.

Additional Accesories: License and registration, chicken fucker.

Bonus!: Open bar, dude!


V.I.C.I. Lawson from Small Wonder

Why: We've handled newsworthy costume (Karr), smart costume (Napoleon Dynamite), and cult costume (Farva). Here is your traditional 80's nostalgia costume. Here's your chance to freak people out with your monotone voice (like the female Mase!) all night and invoke memories of one of the worst television shows of all time.

What You Need: Red dress, electrical circuitry.

Additional Accessories: Younger brother who might be Billy Corgan

Bonus!: If anyone spills a drink on you, start convulsing like you've been electrocuted. That will teach those fuckers to be more careful.

Nickolodeon GUTS Contestant

Why: Here's something nostalgic for the dudes (or ladies who weren't digging the V.I.C.I. costume). Pay homage to Mike O'Malley's finest work to date. Run, Jump, and Swim your way to the greatest costume of all time (related to a Nickolodeon game show).

What You Need: Neon Yellow skateboard helmet. Knee/elbow pads. Either red, purple, or teal tank top and stickers featuring your name. Gold medal. Nerf Archery set.

Additional Accessories: Moira Quirk. Piece of the Aggro-Crag.

Bonus!: Forget the akwardness of breaking the ice with that attractive person you see at the party. Just walk up to them, flash your piece of the crag and ask them to, SPILL THEIR GUTS.

YouTube Clip Of The Day


Matt said...

If I wasn't already committed to the shower costume, I'd so do the GUTS contestant.

ryan said...

That GUTS costume is a good one; however, I can't seem to find my rock-climbing harness. By any chance, DO YOU HAVE IT??

ryan said...

Also, I would contend that "the Rick" commercials might be Mike O'Malley's best work to date. I'm not saying it is for definate, but it should be in the conversation.

Matt said...

Not a fan of "Yes, Dear," I take it?

zach said...

im going as a blue barracuda, from legends of the hidden temple (but guts was such a better show, although the winners didnt keep the agrocrag)