Monday, October 16, 2006

A Bronx Tale: My Weekend as an Embedded Blogger in The BX

Sorry I haven't been around in awhile. I decided to get away for awhile and recharge my batteries. While most people might choose an exotic locale, or, at this time of year, "leaf peep", I chose otherwise. I was taking a trip down to the scenic, safe, friendly Bronx to visit my girlfriend. Many astute readers would've deduced this from the fact that I used the most trite references to the Bronx in the thread title (alas, the Boogie Down did not make the cut).

I was very pumped to make the trip for obvious reasons but my excitement was amplified for reasons that may be unknown to you. I LOVE solo road trips.

For one, over the past 6 years I've perfected the Masschusetts->New York trip. It's no big deal to me anymore. In the past I'd make it to Westerly, RI and kind of putter out knowing that Connecticut lay ahead. Connecticut is THE worst state to drive through on 95. It's 93 exits of sucky scenery (look kids, Clinton Crossing Outlet Mall!), asshole cops (sincereley, the $283 speeding ticket I got on my birthday), and the same exact traffic patterns no matter what day/month/year it is. (I'm convinced someday, some driver other than me will be able to succesfully navigate the 91/95 split in New Haven, and hanging a giant curtain to block the WWE building would alleviate traffic in Stamford, but whatever).

Anyways, like I said, I'm over it. I even have my favorite rest stops in Connecticut. The one along the northbound side of 95 in Darien, CT is probably my favorite, partly for the food options, but mainly for the amazing people watching opportunities. I saw a haggard looking couple wearing the exact same flannel shirt. They had to have been from either West Virginia, Montana, or possibly Eastern Europe and dressed like Kurt Cobain would have if he were still alive today (and on welfare). I wanted to take a picture of them, but it looked like they might have killed me for gas money.

Another reason I enjoy solo road trips; singing in my car. Loudly. And especially to Wolf Parade songs. Doing this on a road trip allows me to sing my face off comfortably miles away from anyone I might know. However, in a recent development my iPod finds amusing, the shuffle mode has been constantly choosing to play Wolf Parade songs as I near work. Nice try iPod, you rogue!

So, in no time I made it to the Bronx, specifically scenic Fordham University. Fordham is gorgeous, peppered with beautiful plantlife and Gothic architecture. A far cry from its dangerous surroundings. However, never tolerate shit from students at Fordham who go on and on about how beautiful their school is and live on campus. They're like CNN reporters in Iraq. Sure, you're staying at the Hilton, but you're still in fucking Iraq.

Fortunately, I wasn't going to live the white collar lifestyle this weekend. My friends, I was staying OFF CAMPUS. To alot of people 'off campus' usually conjures up ideas of plush houses and nice lawns. Maybe in Athens, GA, but not here in the Bronx. Leaving Fordham's premises is akin to the scene in Field Of Dreams when Moonlight Graham steps off the baseball diamond and becomes old Archibald Graham. You're in the real world, buddy (just don't give anyone mouth to mouth, you might get shot).

But in all fairness, "embedding" myself in the Bronx wasn't all that bad. It was downright fun. And I learned a few life lessons along the way. Sure, a crackdealer may have the same ringtone as your girlfriend (seriously!) but he's just living his life, making a dishonest living. Sure, children run rampant and screaming all over the place starting at 7 am, but hey, at least you don't need an alarm clock.

The Bronx rules. But, you know, I'd prefer it ruling me from afar while I'm in some sort of gated community.

News And Notes

A couple of random things....

Don't know if anyone's been watching Sunday Night Football on NBC, and if you haven't, I don't blame you. The games have been pretty fucking bad. And the pregame show, while having a solid name (Football Night In America, which in and of itself is a ripoff of Hockey Night in Canada, but whatever) is atrocious. There is one interesting thing going on though. Of all the people who they could bring in to do the pregame theme song, they chose Pink. Now Pink hasn't been relevant in at least a year (and that's only because she put out an album full of songs saying she hadn't been relevant in like 3 years, but whatever). That's not the point, the point is how she looks. While most people work were aghast at how she looked like a man, I thought differently. I think she looks like a regular girl who decided to dress up as Scarlett Johannsen for Halloween. Check it out .

Finally, I've been thinking about Ryan's semi regular gossip column. It was tentatively titled, "Life In the Fast Lane" but I think that's a little too Page 6. C'mon Lane, this is the Wild Wild West Internet, we've got to be more brash. I say, we take a page from Perez Hilton and come up with a name using his time tested formula.

Celebrity Name - First Name + Faux First Name that Represents your Cultural Heritage = New Blog name

Goodbye, "Life In the Fast Lane". Say Hello to...........

.......

.......

MoisheBarton.com

YouTube Clip of the Day




4 comments:

random bronx resident said...

My thoughts are as follows...
-The 'boogie down' is a more than appropriate moniker for the bronx because it is where some of us do in fact boogie down.
-Arthur Ave in the belmont section of the bx was recently selected by time out magazine as one of nyc's 50 best blocks. We ate there. You liked it. Its not scary.
-Cypress Hill ringtones bridge the gap between the local community and students.
- Ryan needs to set up shop at a local dunkin donuts like perez does with the coffee bean. The orange and pink formica totally attracts all the celebs in the metro boston area.

ryan said...

Sounds like something only Seth Cohen could love.

Jeff said...

As far as the ringtone goes, I was thinking today, what the crackdealer thought the ringtone was. Rock Superstar or Rap Superstar?

Originally I assumed Rap Superstar figuring that is more common among an urban setting. But that's prejudiced.

Obviously it's Rock Superstar because this guy actually sells rocks, and aspires to be a superstar of it

Dave 'I was the one who first showed Jeff this YouTube Clip and got no Love' Chaves said...

Since Ryan is getting a role here on the blog, can I as well? More specifically, can I review really random movies?!

My credentials you ask? Well, today I woke up and watched Boyz N the Hood, thinking to myself the whole time how great a Halloween costume Doughboy (Ice Cube) would be. All I need is some jerry curls and a Detriot Tigers hat.

Anyway, think about it ... Junior.