Saturday, October 07, 2006

The Rolling Stones Have Been Mediocre Longer Than They Have Been Transcendent

I enjoy making statements like that. It may not be true, and more than likely, I have no idea what I'm talking about. But it sounds like it is true, and it sounds like I have an idea of what I'm talking about. I would never ever say something like this to a real music afficionado. Moreso, I get a kick out of telling this to everyday people who happen to be going to a Rolling Stones concert on one of their recent tours. Especially ones at Fenway Park.

The majority of people are just going to say they went. I hate people like this and unfortunately it's becoming more and more of a trend in these times.

Jokingly, I referred to my concert-going summer as "Jeff's Scenester Summer", because I went to Wolfmother, Arctic Monkeys, Radiohead, Editors, and Bloc Party yet I was already a huge fan of four of the bands and another I was going on a strong friend recommendation for the fifth (Editos). Of course I could've spent the impending weeks leading up to these shows harassing Britons and telling them I was seeing Arctic Monkeys in a tiny club, or hanging out at my local indie record store and telling the clerk that I was seeing Radiohead twice on their smallest North American tour in a decade while they were stuck alphabetizing Yo La Tengo records, but I'm better than that.

I don't think you understand the importance of this problem. It is, for example, a more widespread epidemic than American obesity. Of course, all you hear about is obesity nowadays, but folks, is it really a problem? If you're morbidly obese, quit whining and go to Hollywood. It's a perfect in.

Think about how many morbidly obese people get movie roles solely for being fat as a whale. Wheency from Old School, Rhonda from Road Trip, and (just to show Todd Phillips movies aren't the sole employment options for fat people) Billy Bob from Varsity Blues.

In fact, the actor who played Billy Bob (or Reggie Ray), Ron Lester got some sort of weight loss surgery in 2002 and, according to IMDB, he's only worked twice since! Check it out!:

So quit your whining fat people. You have it made. The only complaints I want to hear out of you is that you had to leave the Rolling Stone's Fenway Park show because you couldn't fit in the seats. Assholes.

YouTube Clip Of the Day:

If you didn't know that The State was the best sketch comedy show of all time, then I feel really bad for you.


Dave "Stan" Chaves said...

His IMDb mini-biography is the stuff producers of True Hollywood Stories would wet themselves over:

"Ron Lester gained celebrity status at an early stage in his career, but his draw in Hollywood seemed to be based on one physical characteristic - his weight. Obese since 5 years old, by the time he was 30 years old, Ron weighed 508 pounds. Hollywood hired him as the lovable fat kid but his health was in serious danger. With the support of his friends, family, and co-workers, Ron decided to go through an experimental (at the time) type of gastric bypass surgery that almost took his life. When he recovered from flat-lining on the operating table Ron began to lose the weight - and his celebrity identity. 348 pounds were lost in under two years and he's had 14 plastic surgeries to tighten and remove excess skin. Now Ron has a hard time getting the roles he once won. Admits food was his 'drug of choice' to cover up pain from often being the new kid in school (he changed schools often due to discipline problems), and the death of 22 close friends and family members throughout his life."

Jeff said...

Do you too find it suspicious that he had behavioral problems AND left a trail of 22 people dead in his path? Coincidence?